last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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