after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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