I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend