I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?