I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky