Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
