guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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