Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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