i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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