dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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