Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
