explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize