i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize