Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So vagazzling was a success
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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