you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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