Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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