return my video game
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
