Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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