I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize