Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
