Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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