That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
