forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.