I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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This gyro tastes like lonliness
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
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HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday