I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.