omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
soo... how was my night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
