Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
