i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
