matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
