Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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