Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize