He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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