I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
