When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
