Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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