I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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