Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in