Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
