I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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