Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
BRING THE BAGELS
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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