Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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