At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
