At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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