She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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