I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.