You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.