I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever