i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.