he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
