I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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