This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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