just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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