Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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