I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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