I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Are my feet made of real feet?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
