i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
