My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.