Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Chalk up having sex in a car wash.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.

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(424): View more from California

Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.

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(956): View more from Texas

He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".

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(636): View more from Missouri

Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok

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